Because Nothing is Easy (Post #57)

At the Butchart Gardens last month. 

Our Canadian happy place. 💗

I apologize; it's been a wee while since I posted on my own personal blog (as in, not since June, 2025) and I haven't been prolific on Ken's blog either, but I have an excuse! Actually, I have many excuses, but the main reason is that typing hurts. I could type with just my right hand, but that gets annoying rather quickly, so I just haven't. Why does it hurt to type, you ask? Well...😬

Back in December of 2008, someone asked me if I could knit a sweater in an hour. Actually, I think it was more along the lines of "I bet you can't knit a sweater in an hour!" In my youthful years, I rarely said no to a challenge. Thankfully, years have brought the maturity that was lacking - or maybe I'm just too tired/sore/unwilling to exert myself at someone's behest? 🤔 After successfully completing the sweater in under an hour (a cute capelet knit in very thick red yarn and gifted to my sister-in-law, Lorraine), I noticed some pain in my left forearm. Weird. Almost like overexerting certain muscles for an hour non-stop caused discomfort. Over the next several years, this pain came, but mostly went, unless I was knitting. So with time, I could no longer knit. The last item I completed was a sweater I knit while in the waiting room during my radiation treatments in January of 2023, and honestly, it was sheer stubbornness that allowed me to do so, in other words, it wasn't wise. Time went on and I had to also give up reading books in print (I read e-books), playing piano, and most activities that required using my left arm. Pronation (when your palm faces the ground) was less painful than supination (when your palm faces up, like you're carrying soup), so there were times when my adaptations looked rather unusual, but I managed. 🤡

However, before my cancer diagnosis in May of 2022, my family doctor ordered a cortisone injection for my elbow, thinking this might help with pain management. You can read all about that experience here. TLDR (Too-Long-Didn't-Read): My elbow is fine but I have a benign tumour in between my median and ulnar nerves. These growths, called schwannomas, are tumours that grow from the sheath surrounding nerves, and because I must complicate all things, mine decided to grow in between two major nerves...of course. Initially, Dr. Morhart (best plastic surgeon in the city who specializes in nerves) did not want to operate, given my history and lack of guaranteed positive outcome, but given the muscle wasting in my left arm due to lack of use, he has decided it's time. Well, actually, he decided it was time 2 years ago. I was told to expect surgery in October of 2024. Yeah, it's taken a wee bit longer...like 20 months longer. One reason for the delay is that Dr. Morhart wants Dr. Jaret Olson, another plastic surgeon to scrub in with him, and scheduling 2 surgeons is complicated. (There's that word again!) However, at my pre-op appointment last week, it was mentioned that 4 surgeons are listed as scrubbing in. Four?!? What, are they selling tickets? 😦 I have a feeling I may be a "teaching case" due to the complexity. Delightful. 

I've coined a new phrase for the medical people in my life to use instead of "funny, but not funny-ha-ha." Medical people have a rather warped sense of humour due to all the trauma they see, and hearing them say things like, "Then the patient's blood pressure sank to 50 over dead - it was so funny!" to describe stressful situations doesn't sound quite right, so I've started saying "medically amusing" instead of "funny." (No worries, no one laughs unless there's a happy ending.) For example, at my pre-op appointment, I found it medically amusing when the anesthesiologist's eyes grew large as Ken started to explain my post-surgery crumpage (which you can read about here). "I remember hearing about this case! I was a resident at the time." She turned to me, "There were many people worried about you!" Heh, not sure if that makes me famous or infamous, but perhaps my reputation will convince Dr. Morhart to complete the surgery with just a nerve block instead of general anesthetic? No anesthesiologist wants to work my surgery, another thing that's rather medically amusing.😁

Dr. Morhart rarely uses nerve blocks, a procedure that blocks all feeling and movement below a certain point, because he tends to only take on complicated surgeries and doesn't always know how long things will take. Apparently, he's not a fan of the patient waking up before he's done. I mean, I probably wouldn't like it either, but the thought of being put under again is not exactly thrilling.😣 Yes, I had a successful general anesthesia experience during my surgery #2 (to drain 500ml from a hematoma that developed because they had to prone me to save my life after surgery #1), but as a claustrophobic, the thought of being intubated is not exactly something to look forward to. Due to my post-surgery crumpage experience, they plan to allow me to become fully conscious before removing the breathing tube in an effort to avoid NPPE (Negative Pressure Pulmonary Edema), which is probably what landed me in the ICU with severe ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome). I did tell them that I would have to be restrained, as this is not a pleasant experience, but hey, it beats a stay in the ICU! (I had to be restrained when previously intubated as I kept trying to extubate myself. I was just trying to help things along, never mind that I couldn't breath without it! 😇)

Another complicating factor is my bleeding disorder, formally known as "Delta Pool Dense Granule Platelet Deficiency," which is a fancy way of saying I have lazy platelets, the part of the blood responsible for clotting. The good news is that my chances of a heart attack or stroke caused by a blood clot are pretty non-existent; the bad news is that I bleed like crazy. (I resembled Grimace from the McDonald's family of yesteryear after my first surgery. 😄) Thankfully, as a patient of the Dr. John Akabutu Centre for Bleeding and Rare Blood Disorders, the hemophilia clinic at the University Hospital in Edmonton, the internist assigned to my case only had to call over to get the protocol for special people like me...and one of my children. (We know the protocol works, since they had no difficulties when they had their wisdom teeth removed.😊) I'll be receiving two extra clotting medications in my IV and will be taking 9 tablets per day of tranexamic acid, for 10 days following surgery.

I just received a call from the Royal Alexandra Hospital, telling me to arrive at 5:30am...🥱 Ken is a bit of a mess, given my surgical history which is completely understandable, but I'm just looking forward to having a left hand that is more than just decorative. Yes, I'm aware that I'm not guaranteed a positive outcome, that I will have a large scar on my forearm, and that I may require a nerve graft, something that can require a 6-12 month recovery period. Dr. Morhart has also said that I may be left with more pain, if the surgery is unsuccessful. However, if I don't try, I'll never know whether it could help. (Apparently, I still willing to take some "dares" after all, despite being an old fuddy-duddy!) 

Right now I'm just grateful. I'm grateful for the opportunity to try to have the schwannoma removed, that Dr. Morhart is willing to take me on, after saying "no way" 4 years ago, that healthcare is "free" in Canada (with my history I would be more than broke if I had to pay), and that no matter what, God is still my Father and He's the master of all. The "peace that makes no sense to anyone who doesn't abide in Jesus" is quieting my soul and I know that no matter the outcome, God has my best interests in mind. His answers to my questions are always for my good, even if it looks anything but good at the time. I'm gonna' trust Him, no matter what. I posted a link to this song in an earlier blog post, but it fits so well, I'm doing so again: No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts

I'm runnin' back to Your promises one more time

Lord, that's all I can hold onto

I've got to say this has taken me by surprise

But nothing surprises You

Before a heartache can ever touch my life

It has to go through Your hands

And even though I keep askin' why

I keep askin' why

No matter what, I'm gonna love You

No matter what, I'm gonna need You

I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, if not, I'll trust You

No matter what

No matter what

When I'm stuck in this nothingness by myself

I'm just sitting in silence

There's no way I can make it without Your help

I won't even try it

I know You have Your reasons for everything

So I will keep believin'

Whatever I might be feelin', that You are my hope

And You'll be my strength

No matter what, I'm gonna love You

No matter what, I'm gonna need You

I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, if not, I'll trust You

No matter what

No matter what

Anything I don't have, You can give it to me

But it's okay if You don't

I'm not here for those things, the touch of Your love

Is enough on its own

But no matter what, I still love you

And I'm gonna need you

No matter what, I'm gonna love You

No matter what, I'm gonna need You

I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, if not, I'll trust You

I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, if not, I'll trust You

No matter what

No matter what