Worst. Birthday. Ever.
So this is 50? Hmmm, can I take a rain check? No, I'm not afraid of getting older; I hope I get very old! I'd just prefer to go back a year or two, maybe four? Yes, 2021 sounds delightful. Well, not really, but better than 2025; so far, it's been a real downer.
So why was this birthday so awful, you ask? Well, February 19, 2025, will forever be remembered as the day we found out my husband has Stage 4 appendiceal carcinoma which is just a fancy way of saying he has cancer that started in his appendix, then burst and spewed cancer cells all over his abdominal cavity, where they promptly began to multiply like Mennonites. (Says the Mennonite mother of only 3.) I'll get to the details later, but suffice it to say, The Big C is back.
We thought we'd banished him (I call him Carson Noma), but he's a sneaky little fellow. Ken noticed some tummy discomfort in mid-October, but because he was on call and didn't want to burden his colleagues, he just kept working. And yes, while on call he visited the ER multiple times, he just didn't visit it as a patient! 😒
Let's jump ahead to November 3 when he finally admitted that the pain was bad and he was willing to go to the ER. I had to teach Sunday School, and since Marigan, our daughter, is an ER nurse, she went along with him to the Strathcona Hospital. They checked him over and did a CT which revealed a ruptured appendix and a resultant abscess. They don't admit patients at the Strathcona Hospital, so Marigan drove him over to the Royal Alexandra Hospital (RAH) where he was admitted and given IV antibiotics (Flagelle and Ceftriaxone).
Ken had to wait in the ER before being admitted. Unfortunately, his "recliner" was broken.
Fortunately, I was wearing leather pants and could provide a footrest. 😄
Ken's colleagues wanted to make his visit special...or something. 😁
On Monday he was taken to the OR where they placed a Jackson Pratt (JP) drain into the abscess. The risk of causing more harm than good, given the amount of infection in his abdomen, meant that removing his appendix at the time was not an option.
Go Oilers! (Yes, they won.) The nurse saw us cozied up in the single bed and asked if I planned to spend the night. Um, no. 👫
Ken took me on a tour of all his favourite hangouts at the RAH.
We continued to fiddle with the drain throughout the day on Wednesday but were grateful to get an appointment for a possible redo at the RAH on Thursday, as it was obviously not functioning well. The JP drain uses suction created by squeezing a pliable ball attached to the tubing which creates negative pressure and draws out the fluid; this is then measured. (See the photos below.) Unfortunately, Ken's cracked and wouldn't maintain the necessary seal.
At the RAH on Thursday, upon reviewing the ultrasound images, the radiologist decided there wasn't enough fluid left in the abscess to warrant reinsertion and just pulled it out completely. Yay! (At this point I would just like to mention that I assisted with not only repairing the drain, but with emptying it...without heaving! 😖 I'm no nurse, so this was impressive.)
Ken was surprised at how weak he felt after being in hospital a few days, but managed to go for a walk with me in the back 40.
Someone was very happy to be home! (Also, isn't he cute? 😍)
Back at the RAH for his drain reinsertion
which was actually drain removal.
We have been driving to Hinton every month for almost 25 years, so when Ken discovered he needed a colonoscopy, he had it booked there, where the staff feels like family. (Colonoscopies are recommended after appendicitis.) They were able to fit him in on January 17th, and all was well, or so we thought. The surgeon had warned Ken that some cases of appendicitis are caused by cancer, so we weren't completely shocked when we received the biopsy results on January 27, which stated: Adenocarcinoma with signet ring and goblet cell features. Plans were made for more blood tests and a repeat CT so we drove out to Hinton to have these done February 3. The results of his blood test looked fine, and the radiologist's report of the CT showed a healing appendix and overall less "angry" gut, so we thought that a simple appendectomy (removal of the appendix) would be all it would take to get Ken cancer free, after all, he was Stage 1, or 2 at worst. We were referred to a surgeon at the RAH who specializes in bowel surgery, and her phone appointment with Ken the following week was uneventful. They scheduled Ken for his pre-admission appointment on February 20, with the surgery scheduled for Monday, the 24th.
Unfortunately, Ken received a call from her on the 18th with unsettling news. Upon reviewing his scans in preparation for the surgery, she noticed some abnormalities, abnormalities she believed could be cancer cells that had spread. On the 19th, (my 50th birthday), she called in a favour from the preeminent radiologist at the Cross, who confirmed both her and our worst fears; Ken has multiple (10∓ ?) nodules on various parts of his abdominal cavity. This automatically places him at Stage 4. There is no Stage 5.
So yeah, this birthday was seriously the worst ever.
When we received the initial biopsy results, I, in typical Pollyanna fashion, figured, "Been there, done that!" Besides, God wouldn't put us on that journey again, right? He never gives us more than we can handle! (The last sentence was typed with my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek, literally and figuratively.) Right, so this false notion that God will never allow more than we can handle to come our way... bahahahahahaha! Yeah, that'd be a no. I've never encountered anything He and I can't handle together, but man, on my own I am weak. "Seriously, girl? In the past 2.5 years you had cancer, almost died after surgery, had a pipe burst in your basement (flood), your garage almost burned down (fire), and you had a mouse infestation (pestilence)! Haven't you learned your lesson about trusting God?" Yes. Absolutely. For sure. I certainly have. Oh, wait, which lesson? There have been a few; here's a short list:
1. I am weak but He is strong. (Yep, that children's song was true!)
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
2. God is still good, even when life isn't.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
3. I have no idea why our family has to go through this (again), but, thankfully, I don't need to. God knows why, and that's enough.
"Though he slay me, I will trust Him."
Job 13:15
Yes, that last verse was from Job, THE Job, you know, the guy who suffered so much. Now, I'm not suggesting that we are suffering at the same level he did; thankfully, we are not, but I am feeling a limited sense of kinship with him. There's much more to unpack regarding this topic, but my energy levels are kinda' low, and blogging is therapeutic for me, so I will tackle that another day.
Ken has an appointment with Dr. Erika Haase at the Grey Nuns on Tuesday, where we will hopefully hash out a plan. The prognosis for any Stage 4 cancer is usually grim, and he appears to have an extremely rare, aggressive form.
"I would have lost heart unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."
Psalm 27:13
Thankfully, scientific studies delineating Overall Survival (OS) never take the "G Factor" into account, and yes, that's God. Does this mean we're all hunky dory, going about our business as usual? No, we're still human and I've had to stop using eye cream because the skin around my eyes is rather sensitive/raw from crying and it burns! So, does that mean we're not trusting God if we're grieving? Also no, Jesus cried too! For now, we are trying to be still and remember that God is the one in charge...while ensuring that there are multiple tissue boxes in every room, bag, and pocket.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still".
Exodus 14:14
As usual, I have a soundtrack running in the back of my head at all times. Today "You're Still Good and You're Still God," by Phillipa Hanna, is the song playing on a loop.
When all foundations have been shaken
When I'm left standing in the dark
And all I feel is my heart breaking
You still reign and You're still God
And when it feels all hope has faded
The heavy questions hit so hard
And though my soul may feel forsaken
You still reign and You're still God
I will declare that You are with me
Though voices whisper that You're not
You'll never leave me nor forsake me
'Cause You still reign and You're still God
And when my enemies surround me (Carson Noma)
I'll trust the victory of Your cross
And fix my eyes upon You, Jesus
For You are God and I am not
You are good and You are faithful
As You have been from the start
You're working all things for Your glory
'Cause You still reign and You're still God
And though I can't see what's before me
I know that I can trust Your heart
And this one truth will be my story, yes it will
That You still reign and You're still God
Yes, this one truth will be my story
You still reign and You're still God
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