Life After Cancer? (Post #47)

 

A wonderful friend gifted me a wonderful book called "Breath as Prayer."

Google it. 😊 It's fantastic! 

Is there life after cancer? Well, yes...obviously; I'm still here. 😊 But if I thought I could just go back to living as I was BC (before cancer), I was mistaken. So how is life different? Let me count the ways! 

I still have Herceptin infusions every three weeks. This isn't chemo, it's called targeted therapy, and the side effects are certainly not on par with chemo. Thankfully! However, I do usually have a day or two of feeling "off." I might be nauseated, headachy, or more fatigued than usual, but that's a small price to pay for the benefits of these infusions. Unfortunately, the last two infusions have required two intravenous attempts, as my veins have probably been affected by chemo and I am no longer "an easy stick." (Term used to describe someone on whom an intravenous is easy to start and nurses' favorite patients. 💉)

I have another echocardiogram booked for March 15th. Hopefully, this will show improvement or at least no worsening of my "sluggish lateral wall." Am I nervous? Yes, I am. I really don't want to stop my Herceptin infusions! They haven't booked my next infusion, as whether or not I'll continue depends on the results of my ECHO. 🙏🏻 I just keep reminding myself that God already knows the outcome and He's got this! I will be having echocardiograms every three months until at least the end of July, at which time I should have completed my Herceptin infusions. (17 in total)

These appointments (Herceptin and ECHO) are not onerous nor that painful, but they are a reminder that my battle with cancer is not quite over. The medical community prefers to use the term "NED" or No Evidence of Disease, to describe a cancer patient who has just finished treatment, rather than "in remission" or "cancer free." The reality is that a cancer survivor is never really cancer free; it is always lurking in your subconscious. Every time you get a new pain, the thought crosses your mind, "Could this be cancer?" Now, I don't spend my days worrying about a recurrence, that's in God's hands after all, however, even though I predict my preoccupation with cancer will wane with time, I fear it will never go away completely. 😔

I will be taking an estrogen-suppressing medication called Letrozole for the next five years. I'm happy to report that I have had no noticeable side effects! 🥳 If anything, it's improved my menopause symptoms. (I'm sure my favorite pharmacist will be skeptical of this assertion!) Thanks for your prayers! I know this is a gift from God, as it's unusual to be without any side effects, or so I've heard. It's actually kinda funny how my brain shouts a little "Take that, cancer!" every time I swallow a dose, as it's another weapon in my cancer battle. When I began taking the medication, I was rather apprehensive; after all, this cancer fight hasn't exactly been a cakewalk. But when I caught myself worrying over what may (or may not ever) happen, God whispered comfort to my heart: "I just want to bless you." If those words sound familiar, you're probably acquainted with my friend, Karen. Not long after suffering the loss of her baby daughter due to a chromosomal abnormality, she became pregnant. In the midst of her anxiety over her rainbow baby, and not wanting to go through such pain again, God whispered these same words to her heart: "I just want to bless you." I doubt she realized what an impact these 5 words would have on my life, so many years later. 😊  

My skin continues to heal. I decided to apply Mepitel to most of the radiated area and think it really aided my recovery. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I had some rather tender areas where it hadn't quite healed and removed the Mepitel a bit prematurely. Ouch!  😣 I quickly reapplied it. The worst of the side effects occurred two weeks after treatment had finished, just as predicted, which I still find weird...🤔 Thankfully, now even the browned skin has sloughed off and I no longer look like a loaf of bread that stayed in the oven too long! 

It's easy to get hung up on the physical aftermath my cancer battle has left behind. My battle with melanoma and subsequent surgery in 2020 (under local, thankfully!) left me with a rather unsightly scar on the underside of my right arm. This battle with breast cancer has left me with scars that are less obvious to the public but I still know they're there.  My skin still looks slightly ravaged without "paint," but it is slowly beginning to recover, Even my chemo freckles are fading! And, of course, chemo stole my hair, though that is seriously starting to grow now! The color is a bit of a surprise. 👵  I knew I was greying, but wowsers! I sparkle! 

Mentally, I find that I have good and bad days. Or maybe I should say good and bad hours, though thankfully, the good outnumber the bad by far. It's so changeable! Unfortunately, I've realized that there are parts of life during chemo that are completely gone from my memory. ("What do you mean 'moussaka again?' I haven't made it in years! Oh, I bought some at the Farmer's Market? Really? Well then!") Overall, I think I'm improving, though word-finding difficulties continue to plague me. 

Chemo can be tough on your teeth, so I recently had a dental appointment. I seriously thought I'd need a pile of work done, but other than suggesting a cleaning sometime soon, my dentist gave me the all-clear! That's a relief, as going to the dentist is not my favorite activity. (And I have a wonderful dentist with the teeny-tiniest fingers; it's not her!) The dental chair is extraneous as I am pretty sure the tension in my body could keep me hovering at just the right height! 😁

Fatigue is considered the "inescapable" side effect of cancer treatment. And how. 🥱 I was sure that by now I would be bouncing back, and for a large part of the day, I am! I like to compare myself to a Tesla: I begin each day with a full battery, ready to take on my overly-ambitious to-do list. However, by late afternoon I'm flagging and am only capable of pretending to be a rather large and misshapen throw cushion as I lounge on the couch. I went shopping after my dental appointment (The Bay was having a sale on clearance items - whoop, whoop!) and was surprised when I "hit the wall" while trying on clothes. It felt like someone had siphoned my energy tank, or, in the case of a Tesla, had somehow drained my battery. I reminded myself that trying on clothes is not a race, no one is timing me, there's no lineup for the changing rooms, and besides, the tortoise beat the hare! 🐢...🐇 So there. I look forward to the day when visiting 3 stores doesn't tucker me out...though hubby might not...🤭 

We have a lovely banquette in the kitchen at work. (Uh-huh. That's nice, Heather. This is relevant to this blog how?) Well, I plan to go to work with my husband tomorrow, and just knowing that the banquette is there, should I run out of energy is reassuring. (I've stretched out on it before when I've had bad migraines at work. It's pretty comfy!) Obviously, I'm hoping to have a successful, banquette-free day, but I will be bringing a pillow. 😄 I'm so excited to be hanging out, er...I mean working, of course...with Brandy again!

So while I've "had my hours cut back" from being a full-time cancer patient, it's still a somewhat part-time job. Today is the 303rd day since I received my diagnosis. I'm ready to move on.  And, as usual, God sent me the perfect song to inspire me at this point in my journey: "Hold On" by Katy Nichole. I pray it blesses you as it did me. 

Smoke clouds all around

Couldn't see your face

Darkness consumed me

Stuck in the bitterness

But I know there's a light

That's waiting up ahead

So, I'll stay in the fight

And look to the one who said

Hold on just a little bit longer

I know it's gonna be okay

These days are gonna make you stronger

You'll find purpose in the pain

Hold on just a little bit longer

Deep down there's a well of faith

Let hope arise as you're lifting up my name

And just hold on

Just hold on, hold on

Your promise, it still stands

It's chasing after me

The rainbow through storm clouds

Is how I'm gonna see

That there is a light

That's waiting up ahead

So I'll stay in the fight

And look to the one who said

Hold on just a little bit longer

I know it's gonna be okay

These days are gonna make you stronger

You'll find purpose in the pain

Hold on just a little bit longer

Deep down there's a well of faith

Let hope arise as you're lifting up my name

And just hold on

Hold on, hold on

Just wait 'til you see what's at the end of the road

A new life is ready to unfold

Hold on just a little bit longer