Lessons from "The Big C" (Post #44)

 

One of my fears, upon hearing "you have cancer" for the second time, was that my cancer would be wasted. I know, I know, how do you waste cancer? Well, if I don't use my own experience to help others, or if I don't allow God to use my cancer to glorify Him, then it's wasted. The number of lessons I've learned since my breast cancer diagnosis is seriously mind-blowing. To say that I'm not the same person would be a rather ginormous understatement, so allow me to share a few!

When you receive a dire diagnosis such as breast cancer, you realize something rather quickly; you want more time. You don't necessarily want to plan a grand tour of the world, or cross items off your bucket list, though these are not bad ideas and some patients find them helpful in giving them hope, but what most patients want is just more "normal time." You want more time to laugh with your loved ones around the supper table, to go shopping at Winners with your bestie, time to just sit with your spouse and soak in all the blessings you've probably been taking for granted without even realizing it. 😕

However, accompanying the desire for more time is the realization that you're less earthly bound than ever before. In the past, I'd think "I don't want to die young, there's so much I have yet to discover and experience!" And I still have no hankering to "shuffle off this mortal coil," but the thought no longer seems abhorrent. After all, I'd be going home. Yes, home. And I'd be hanging out with Jesus, to whom I need to say a big "thank you," so what's not to like? Well, the thought of leaving loved ones still gives me a pang. Turns out, my family might actually miss me! 😄

Who gets to decide the value of something? Or what determines the worth of anything? Why is a trip to Europe considered more desirable than a stroll around your own yard? I can assure you that the first night home after my ICU stay as I lay in hubby's arms listening to the birds through the window, there was not enough money in the world to entice me to go to Europe...and if you know me, you know I love traveling to Europe, particularly the UK! Why did it take a brush with death before I appreciated just how wonderful my life is, not to say that it's perfect, but it's certainly awesome enough to make me want to stay. Oh, I've always known that I was blessed, don't get me wrong. It's just that gratitude for the "little things," like birdsong in the evening (windows don't open in the ICU...), or rime frost on the trees, (or combing your hair...still not growing back!) was missing. Prior to my surgery, I spent a lot of time in the garden and even took many photos, though to say I was soaking it in or appreciating its beauty would be a stretch. I was too busy "gettin' 'er done!" I found myself starting to lapse back into that mindset  in my "good week" during chemo (the week prior to my chemo infusion), much to my disgust, and continue to battle against it now as I impatiently wait for life to return to "normal." I want to learn to stay in the moment and appreciate all I have, it's just so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life! 😏

Speaking of which, it's interesting how being an observer, rather than a participant in the rat race changes your perspective. Oh, don't worry, I will probably always yell at inattentive drivers, but issues that were all-consuming before my diagnosis now seem petty and insignificant. So does that mean I was petty and insignificant and that anyone who hasn't experienced a life-changing diagnosis is shallow? Well, no, I hope not! I just know personally, that this "interruption" has been good for me. I only hope and pray that I won't forget all I've learned. Thankfully, I have picked up several good habits, such as spending more time reading my Bible and praying. I always thought I didn't have enough time to "wallow in the Word,", and while I certainly have more free time now, the reality is that I wasn't making it a priority. You have time for the things you NEED to do. Now, I've simply added it to my daily "need to do" list. So I'm reading fewer novels, and...? Has this been to my detriment? No. Not at all. I actually only realized it recently, when I noticed that my Kindle account wasn't "turning over" as quickly and library e-books were being "returned" before I could read them. (Message me for a list of wholesome, blush-free-moments books and authors. 😊)

So what consumed my time prior to being "put out to pasture?" Incidentally, I read Psalm 23:2 differently now. "He makes me lie down in green pastures." Ever think that maybe, just maybe, these life interruptions are actually times of imposed rest? Food for thought. 🤔 Okay, so back to the source of my busyness - it's stuff. Stuff is what makes me busy. Now, having stuff is not a bad thing. However, when taking care of your stuff means you don't have time for the stuff that's really important in life, that's just stuff and nonsense. (Okay, I'll stop now!)  I'll never forget our first trip to Bolivia and seeing the "retail stalls" in Cuatro Canadas, a town close to Via Gracia. Families would spend their whole day sitting behind a table of their wares in a shelter that was often little more than a tarp over a roughly built structure, and yet they looked happy! They were smiling and enjoying each other's company, seemingly content with their circumstances. (I will, however, never get over the hunks of meat hanging in the open air, air that were full of flies and other bugs! 🤢) Now, obviously, not purchasing anything is not an option. However, due to my self-imposed hermitting, I have made a startling discovery: I actually don't need to go to Winners/Home Sense/Marshalls every week. I will be just fine, even if they bring in new merchandise that I may like. Who knew? 🤷‍♀️ (Besides I can order most things online anyway...kidding! 😄) 

I can no longer remember where I took these photos, 

other than that they're from our trips to Bolivia, sorry! 

However, even if they're not from Cuatro Canadas, they

demonstrate the lifestyle of those selling wares.

One of my favorite Bible verses and an ever-present echo in the back of my mind is found in Romans 8:28. 

Isn't it beautiful and reassuring? Oh, wait... that's not the whole verse.

Wait, what?! What does that even mean; who have been called according to His purpose? I'm no theologian, but I interpret this to mean that God has a purpose for us and when we are following His plan for our lives, things will work out for our good. That's a comforting thought! What about the "love God" part? Loving God is the easy part, it's trusting Him enough to follow His path that's hard. Now, obviously, I didn't exactly have a choice with regard to my cancer, but I can certainly make sure that I'm not wasting any opportunity He gives me to tell others of His goodness to me, because God is still good, even when life isn't.