Unexpected Gifts (Post #32)

 

Is anyone super-duper bored? My Christmas tree has a slight problem with its lighting. No worries, I've already ordered string lights to replace them. Pre-lit trees are great...until they aren't. 

Some days it feels like this cancer thing is a bit of a racket. 😶 No, I'm not knowingly perpetrating fraud, I just received several gifts over the past couple of days, which can leave me feeling a bit weird. I mean, I know how much I enjoy gifting people cards and unexpected items, but I feel somewhat overwhelmed when I'm given the same. 

This last week was a toughie. For some reason, I found myself at loose ends multiple times. Perhaps it's because the brain fog and nausea were worse than anticipated after having a better Round 3 than I should have. (This is according to two nurses and the oncologist, whose eyebrows went up when I told them that Round 3 had gone better than Round 2 - I love shocking medical personnel - in a good way, of course.) So today I decided to take stock of all the positive surprises I encountered this past week:

• We picked up the mail and there were two cards for me. I continue to be amazed that people remember to pray for me. I mean, I shouldn't be; I have a spiral scribbler with my own lists of people to pray for and we have a blackboard hanging in the kitchen with the most urgent/current prayer requests. But to think that people continue to take the time to send a card is just humbling. The one sister I received a card from today has now sent 3. There's a lesson in that for me. So often, as someone who is very "to-do-list" oriented, I'll send a card and think, "Okay, that's done, I'll continue to pray, of course, but on to the next project!" But how does that person know that I'm still praying for them once the card has been recycled? (Except that all the cards I've received are taped to my front closet door as a reminder of God's goodness shown through His people.)

• I received a WhatsApp message from a lovely couple Sunday morning...also not for the first time. Today was the 7th or 8th message they've sent since my diagnosis. Again, I could improve in this regard; perhaps monthly reminders on my phone would help? (How DO people remember??)

• Two friends sent me messages of encouragement along with links to uplifting songs...on the day I had to take Ativan because I felt like I was losing my mind. 😵 You have to understand something about me. I respect medications. Highly. I believe they have their place and if I'm convinced that taking them is in my best interests, good luck keeping them from me. However, I also don't want to take more than necessary...as evidenced by the skipping of my morphine doses yesterday afternoon in a misguided belief that my Taxane Syndrome had passed. (Nope. I'm back on it.) So I have taken Ativan exactly 3 times in 47 years and the other two times were to combat claustrophobia while having an MRI, so willingly taking one to calm myself down says a lot about my mental state - Not. Good. Why? I'm not sure. I'm finding this current round to be a bit more taxing mentally, perhaps because I had such a great Round 3, I thought I'd bucked the "cumulative side effects" trend. (Remember the happy/God-given accident where the live stream was left on during prayer the Wednesday night Prayer Meeting that took place on my bad day? I firmly believe that my better round can be attributed to those extra prayers! So, am I grumpy that evidently fewer people are praying this week? No, of course not.🙄 Also, there may be other reasons this round is more difficult; life is not clearly black and white, unfortunately...😬 However, should you find yourself with a spare moment or two...😁) But back to these friends, I hadn't messaged them to ask for prayer, (though I should have), and suddenly my phone lights up with these songs/messages. Did God tell them to do so? Well, I don't believe in coincidences, so probably?

• I also received a copy of the book the Ladies Bible Study (LBS) is studying each Tuesday morning, an activity I dearly miss. (Though working full time had already put paid to this. 😕 Funny how cancer shifts your priorities. Job? What job? Kidding, dear! 😇) It's titled "Missing Pieces; real hope when life doesn't make sense" by Jennifer Rothschild. I'm sure it will be an excellent resource, and I certainly have many questions regarding things that don't make sense in my life. Thankfully, I do know the source of true hope, and that is Jesus. Tucked into the pages of the book was a card wishing me well, signed by many different attendees of LBS. I've often wondered in the past when cards were passed around to be signed, does the recipient actually read every name, or do they just look at the multitude of signatures and say, "Oh, nice!" and then set it aside. Well, I can now assure you that my actual words upon opening the card and seeing the many names were "Oh my!" Then I read each and every name, recalling the individuals' smiling faces from past LBS sessions...and making up faces for the unfamiliar names. 😊 So do I just need a new hobby? Okay, maybe, but cards are truly wonderful things.  

So all this to say that although this past week is one I'd prefer to never repeat, I'm so glad I serve a God who is interested in the details in my life and cares enough to show me His goodness through the actions of others.

This is a photo of how I combat the winter blues that come along 

with the imminent time change from Daylight Savings Time 

and the shorter, colder days ahead.