The Third Time's a Charm...Right? (Post #15)
Tomorrow at 8:45 am is my third surgery. My emotions are like a mixed bag of Halloween candy right now, everything from yummy Reese’s pieces to questionable jelly beans covered in lint. 😖 However, even through the tumult of all these emotions, the indescribable peace remains. I was a bit of a mess yesterday, imagining the worst-case scenarios, but today I’m at peace. I am 100% convinced that whatever happens, it is within God’s plan for me. Yes, even if things go sideways again.
I stumbled across a song I’ve had on my playlist for a while and it just seems to say everything better than I ever could. Here’s “Truth I’m Standing On,” by Leanna Crawford:
Truth I'm Standing On by Leanna Crawford [Lyric Video]*
Scared, oh I thought I knew scared
Now I'm so filled with fear I can barely move
Doubts, I've had my share of doubts, but never more than right now
I'm wondering where are You?
Here on the edge of fall apart somehow Your promises find my troubled heart.
Good, I believe You're still good, even when life's not good
I will not lose this hope
That the God who parts the sea promises He's gonna make a way for me
My rock my shield my firm foundation I know I will not be shaken
You remind me where my help comes from
This is the truth I'm standing on even when all my strength is gone
You are faithful forever and I know You'll never let me fall
Right now, I'm choosing to believe someday soon
I'll look back and see all the pain had a purpose
Your plan was perfect all along
This is the truth I'm standing on
Does believing in this song make me sound naïve? Perhaps. Out of touch with reality? Maybe. Delusional? Nah. I wouldn’t go quite that far…😁 Despite the challenges of the past couple of months, and yes, I’ll admit that since my diagnosis it feels as though absolutely nothing has gone smoothly or easily, I still maintain that God is in control and has a plan. Apparently, my life needed some excitement? 🤔
So what’s the plan for tomorrow? We’re supposed to be at the Misericordia Day Surgery Clinic at 8:30 am. My surgery is scheduled for 8:45 am., so not exactly a lot of prep time is needed. Surgery is supposed to take 30 minutes and then I go home, as it will be done under local. (I may have packed a bag in case of an extended stay. That’s not demonstrating a lack of faith, in my case, it’s being practical!) My hematologist has requested that I be given 2 medications, 1 prior to surgery and 1 during, in hopes of controlling my bleeding disorder.
I’m telling myself that it will be similar to my melanoma surgery, which was also done under local and was pretty uneventful, other than bleeding a bit more than anticipated. I certainly won’t be watching what he’s doing 🤢 (Maybe they’ll have HGTV playing on a ceiling-mounted TV?) but I’m praying everything remains boring. Huh. Boring…not a word usually used to describe me, but man, it sure sounds good right about now! 😊
Incidentally, I tried singing the other day. It didn’t end well. Unfortunately, despite using “Benjamin Blumchen” (my incentive spirometer) faithfully, I still don’t have the same lung capacity. Not only that, but my throat became sore and my core muscles even more so after only several songs. I was rather dismayed, but Dr. Google says that being intubated can affect my ability to sing for quite some time. 😞 I’ll give it more time to heal and then start with my singing exercises as prescribed by my former voice teacher. If you come over and I’m laying on the floor with a hymnal on my stomach doing vocal exercises, don’t be alarmed. It’s a great incentive to vacuum regularly! 😄
*I should point out that mentioning these songs in no way means that I endorse them or the artist. I have an uncanny ability to hear the lyrics without noticing the instrumentation, something I consider a blessing!
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